Santa, Baby!

Santa’s elves are rescheduled to deliver letters tomorrow, Monday, December 29th at 1pm at Vital Statistics in Springfield, Illinois. Over seventy-five letters from thirteen states and Canada urge lawmakers to restore adult Illinois adoptees’ access to their original birth certificates.

Some of us can’t make it to Springfield, so we’d like to offer a playlist for the elves on their drive. An anonymous friend we shall call the Holly Jolly Adoptee got “Santa Baby” in her brain and emailed me her parody, ironically only days before the great Catwoman herself would go to the Bat-Cave in the sky. Eartha Kitt was one of us, and although I’m more of a Duran Duran fan, she will be missed.

Holly Jolly’s offering gave me the courage to dig out a couple parodies (or what I’d call filks) I wrote myself a while back. Crank it up on the way to Springfield, elves!

Santa Baby
parodied by the Holly Jolly Adoptee from the Eartha Kitt original

Santa Baby,
Just give the vital stats ’bout me,
To me.
I’m tired of being a such a good girl,
Santa Baby, so tell me all the secrets you know.

Santa baby, a ’63 adoptee is who
Needs you.
I anxiously await you my dear
Santa baby, just tell us all the secrets you know.

Think of all the peace that I’ve missed
Think of all the others in my midst.
Next year could finally be good
If you’ll just help the folks on this list.

Santa Baby, I want a past and really that’s not
A lot
For folks who’ve waited all their lives
Santa Baby, to hear all of the secrets you know.

Santa honey, one little thing I really do need
Indeed
Is just my honest history
Santa Baby, so tell me all the secrets you know.

Santa cutie, please fill my stocking up to the edge
With knowledge
Sign your ‘x’ on the line
Santa cutie, and give me all the info you know.

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With just the real truths that you’ve withheld from me
I really do believe in you
Lets see if you believe in me

Santa Baby, forgot to mention just one more little thing
The law.
They really really truly must change.
Santa Baby, hand out the all truths you’ve withheld
And tell us the things we don’t know.
Hurry… let’s go.

Too Much “Information”
from “Too Much Information” by Duran Duran

(ABC = amended birth certificate, OBC = original birth certificate)

Destroyed by ABC, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me
So-called “information”
When you’re adopted, see, your slate’s supposed to be wiped clean
It’s made-up “information” for me

Adopted child, open up your eyes
You’ve been a possession
We’d like your attention
Adoption lies, dressed in suits and ties
They tell us to believe it
We’re too scared to leave it
It’s skewed from every angle, assumptions we ignore
The same adoption agencies now ask us to pay more
Here comes the news, with love from me to you

Destroyed by OBC, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me
So-called “information”
Denied my own real name, it’s part of the Adoption Game
It’s sealed-up “information” for me

Watch the world go by, while you sit and cry
Everyone can see theirs, you’re too low to be there
Request revoked, records access is a joke
Adoption’s perfect, just don’t scratch the surface
They cover all the angles, the questions you might say
Just sign this registry and you’ll start smiling any day
This parody was made with love for you

Destroyed by ABC, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me
So-called “information”
When you’re adopted, see, your slate’s supposed to be wiped clean
It’s made-up “information”

Destroyed by OBC, I hate to bite the hand that feeds me
So-called “information”
Denied my own real name, it’s part of the Adoption Game
It’s sealed-up “information” for me

Dilate your mind…

Got to give it to me
Got to listen to me
Got to give it to me now, I’m an adult

I’ve tried… yes, I’ve tried… but they lied…

Please, Adoption Man
from “Immigration Man” by Crosby & Nash

There I was,
part of the adoption scheme,
Shining and looking clean
But my birth’s a sin
My life picked by some big adoption man
Now he says he doesn’t know if he can
Tell me more

Tell me more
Please, adoption man
Can I pay some more and pray
I can know my name today?
Tell me more
Please, adoption man
You don’t know the life I lead
You won’t see me beg and plead

There he was
With his big adoption smile
Telling me “it’s better, child”
But the storm is coming
‘Cause me and mom, he looked into our eyes
Stamped “adoption” over our lives
And he sent us running

Won’t you tell her more,
Please, adoption man
Can she pay some more and pray
She can talk to me some day?
Won’t you tell us more
Please, adoption man
You don’t know the lives we lead
You won’t see us beg and plead

Here we are, with our fake adoption forms
Not big enough to keep us warm
When the lies start mounting
We’ll tell whom we will, as long as we think we can
You better hear us tell our stories, man
Everywhere, we’re talking

Come on and tell me now
Big adoption man
I won’t spout your party line
Take your fingers off what’s mine
Tell us now,
Big adoption man
We won’t pay another way
We will know the truth today

Comments

  1. Please add a sound track!!