Adoption BEwareness Month

Here we go again. It’s November, Adoption Awareness Month, time to be deluged by the message that adoption is the be-all and end-all of our modern civilization. A few years ago Origins-USA came up with a countermessage, Adoption BEwareness Month. In that spirit, my November blogs will be about the gotchas of adoption, the things people don’t want to talk about.

We got off to a good (if it can be called “good”) start at the end of October, with our discussion of adult adoptee Chynna and her experience being denied a Florida driver’s license. This sort of humiliation is an everyday experience for many adoptees. You won’t find out about that in the Adoption Awareness media blitz we’ll all be enduring this month.

You also won’t find out about SMAAC, a group of righteously pissed-off mothers shining daylight on the atrocities of the Baby Scoop Era. These atrocities continue today, something else not in the Adoption Awareness catalog.

Personally I am damn tired of hearing other peoples’ opinions about adoption, people who often have no experience with it except through hearsay and TV movies. As an adoptee, I live adoption every day, and it’s not the Disneyland ride people think it is. So I’m going to say something the Adoption Awareness folks don’t want you to hear.


I hate adoption.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I hate adoption. I hate the lies. I hate the secrets. I hate that adoption has become about finding children for parents who want them instead of homes for children in need. I hate that people don’t really understand how much adoption stinks. I hate the fact that adoption will probably always be necessary to some extent. I HATE our ridiculously aberrant closed-records system. I hate that I feel powerless to change much of the above, and that today, right now, another kid is turning into an adoptee and another mother is drowning in grief.

What bothers you about adoption? What secrets do you feel need to be brought to the surface? Post your experiences, and I’ll be blogging about mine. Let’s not allow Adoption BEwareness Month to pass by without shouting into its maelstrom.

Comments

  1. Ahem…Where should I begin:
    *I HATE that children of adoption are a commodity.
    *I HATE that adoption is a viable business (Research China for a perfect example/connected to the US).
    *I HATE that people choose to not see that this is plain & simple dirty child-trafficking.
    *I HATE that many in the adoption world think that scooping up these children makes them the SAVIOURS of the so called abandoned.
    *I HATE that the “AFTERMATH OF ADOPTION” continues to plague me each & every single day of my adult life.
    *I HATE the fact that many don’t get it which means they don’t get me. “Why aren’t you over this by now? How many shrinks do you have to go to?”
    *I HATE the fact that the STATE OF FLORIDA conceals, and with what they deem as a right no less, my PERSONAL & INTIMATE INFO. MY INFO.
    *I HATE that as an adult I STILL have no choice. I have NO RIGHTS connected to my identity.
    *I HATE that I feel like a girl permanently sent to the corner & forced to wear the “DIRTY SECRET” cap.
    *I HATE that adoption makes me HATE.

  2. Thank you for the mention! Good to know that the word is out regarding our organization, SMAAC.

    Just an fyi, it was 2 Senior Mothers from SMAAC that originated the idea of Adoption Bewareness Month and the idea of Strange and Mournful Day,who happened to be members of OUSA the time but are no longer affiliated with them. That is the reason that we in SMAAC felt we could use the idea. I haven’t heard if OUSA is going to continue to use it.

    Sandy Young
    seniormothersadoptionactivistcoalition.org

  3. Chynna – All those should go on my list too. I am with you in the corner wearing the “DIRTY SECRET” cap. Until we have the same rights as other citizens, we’ll be stuck in that corner.

    Sandy – You’re welcome, and thank you and the other SMACC senior mothers for calling attention to your experiences and the BSE. The name “Strange and Mournful Day” really resonates with me, it sure sums up the adoption experience for all of us, doesn’t it?

  4. http://Anonymous says

    First let me say that I am an adoptee, recently reunited with 3 birth siblings. When I “found” who I was born to, I learned she was an alcoholic that committed suicide at 45 years old. She had abortion before me at 15 and gave up, putting that nicely, she sold 4 children after me. Would my life have been better with her? I think not. I guess I was lucky enough to be raised in a family that loved me unconditionally. I thank her for putting me up for adoption.

    Safe Haven laws were enacted so newborns don’t end up in garbage dumpsters and toilet bowls, not to dump teenagers that are giving you a hard time. I fully agree with you and think it is outrageous that parents have been dumping older children due to this law. But again if a parent has the mentality to dump their child off in another state, to me it’s likely that one of these children could have been in the headlines murdered by their parent.

    Jane

  5. http://Anonymous says

    Chynna,

    I understand all your emotions as an adoptee. But what is your answer? Have you learned the background of your birth parents? What do you suggest society does with unwanted, unloved babies? I learned my BM had aborted a baby before me. I am thankful she let me live and chose to give me up so I would have a better life than she could ever offer me.

    I was born to a very disturbed woman that gave up 4 more children after me that I have found. I believe there are still more since I find it hard to believe that this woman stopped reproducing at 25 years old.

  6. Please see my remarks under my “Babies Do Remember” post regarding Safe Haven laws.